Just ASK

August 05, 2013

Just ASK

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the stories you tell yourself as excuses for not accomplishing goals.

There's a similar phenomenon when it comes to relationships; you make up stories about how someone feels about you. Either because you want to avoid confrontation, or because you've assumed what the truth is before you actually know it, and you don't want to be wrong.

Here's an example.

A little while ago, a young guy I know told me he was very nervous because his boss hadn't spoken to him very much recently, and then canceled an upcoming employee review. He thought his boss was trying to ignore him, because he was about to let him go.

I am close with the boss in question, so I called him myself.

“Is something wrong?" I asked. "I don’t want to get in the middle of it, but I know he loves working there..."

"Not at all!" he said. "I’ve been caught up with All-Star Game, and a bunch of other stuff is going on. But I love that guy!”

“He thought you canceled a meeting with him because you didn’t like him.”

"No, that wasn't it. Had nothing to do with him."

Sure enough, a week later, the young guy called me and told me the boss had reached out to him about his concern, and told him everything was fine.

In the space between his boss canceling that meeting, and his boss's reassurance, who knows what stories this guy was telling himself. I'm sure they were quite "creative."

When you get caught up in this storytelling, you let relationships deteriorate when they don't have to!

Not just people at work. Girlfriends, boyfriends. Family members. Whoever.

So think about a relationship that is tense for you right now.

Then consider going up to that person and simply asking:

"Are we okay?"

Because if you don't, and you tell yourself some story, you may well be creating a work of fiction.

Leave a comment

Also in "What Else?" Blog

The Things I Wish I Knew
The Things I Wish I Knew

August 18, 2017 3 Comments

"Yeah, having houses across the globe gives my wife something to do, but its all bullshit. I couldn’t care less about them. The only thing that matters in life is relationships with friends and family. That’s it."


Continue Reading

A "Perfect" night in the Bronx
A "Perfect" night in the Bronx

August 16, 2017

On the most recent episode of my podcast, Unplugged with Brandon Steiner, I spoke with former New York Yankees legend Don Larsen.

Continue Reading

The Key to Happiness Has Been Staring You in the Face
The Key to Happiness Has Been Staring You in the Face

August 14, 2017

At the end of the day there are a lot of ways to measure success and happiness. Wouldn't you much rather enjoy the things you have to do?

Continue Reading